It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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