Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Randomize
