Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
it's like heaven, but drunker
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
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