I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
