my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
