That's when you crack a 10am beer
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
