I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Farmville is her only friend.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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