she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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