I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
