is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
