You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
