Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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