Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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