is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
