they need to just BURY HIM!
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
