shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
