Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
