White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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