it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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