She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
