You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
