he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
