She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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