i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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