I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He shit in the fireplace
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