I want to walk on stilts...naked
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You're breaking my sexual little heart
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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