She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I love having hate sex.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
