Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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