my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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