It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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