the condom got lost in my hair
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just found a bag of teeth...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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