Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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