please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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