bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
