Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
