yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
