Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
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