Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
