I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
