The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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