Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
