she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
