He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
