I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Acid is not a monday night drug
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
