just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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