.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
