allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
