clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Randomize
