Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
