Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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