I CAN MOONWALK!
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
