I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
