**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
